#person so it might help
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limbobilbo · 6 months ago
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Currently contemplating if making youtube videos where I just explain my various worldbuilding projects in depth would allow me to get my much needed ‘ranting about my lore to people’ catharsis.
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starry-bi-sky · 9 months ago
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I am loudly pushing the batdad agenda i am loudly pushing the— DPxDC Prompt
“Woah. You look like shit."
Granted, that’s probably not the first thing Danny should be saying to the guy that just bit the curb, but in his defense; he’s not running on 100% right now either.
The man -- tall, towering, and broader than Danny is tall -- whips around on his heel, black frayed cape flaring out impressively. Danny would've whistled in appreciation, but he takes the time instead to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood running from his nose across his cheek.
"Sorry." He blinks widely, not even flinching as the man with the horns zeroes in on him. "That was rude of me. I have a really bad brain-to-mouth filter; Sam says its what always gets me into trouble."
And she's not wrong either, per say. His smart mouth is what landed him in this situation -- with blood blossom extract running through his veins and cannibalizing the ectoplasm in his bloodstream. Thanks Vlad.
The man grunts at him; a short, curt "hm" that shouldn't make Danny smile, but he does because he's somewhat delirious and probably concussed. The man keeps some kind of distance, sinking towards the shadows of Gotham's alleyway like he dares to melt right into it.
If it's supposed to scare Danny, it doesn't work. Danny's never been afraid of the dark; he's always been able to hide himself in it. He blinks slowly at the mass of shadows.
"You look hurt." The shadows says, blurring together around the edges. Danny squints, and licks his lips to get the blood dripping down his chin off. Ugh, he hates the taste of blood.
"I am." He says, "My godfather poisoned me. M'dying." The agony of the blood blossom eating him from the inside out looped back around to numbing a while ago, so all he feels is half-awake and dazed.
"Hey," Danny stumbles forward towards the man, a bloodied hand reaching out to him. "You-- you're a hero, right? You're not attacking me; which is more than I can say for most costumed people I've met." Maybe it's a poor bar to judge someone at, but he's already established that Danny's not in his right mind.
The man makes no change in expression, but Danny realizes blearily that it's hard to tell with the shadows on his face. He stays still long enough for Danny to latch onto the cape -- stretchy, but almost soft under his fingers.
He looks up blearily into the whites of the man's eyes. "Can you help me? I don't-- I don't wanna die." Again. He doesn't wanna die again. He blinks slow and lizard-like. "I mean- I'll probably get to see mom and dad again, but I told them I'd at least try and make it to adulthood."
There's a clatter down the street, and Danny's ghost sense chills up his spine and leaves a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. He immediately knows who it belongs to even before the deceptively gentle; "Daniel?" echoes down the way.
"Daniel? Quit your games, badger, Gotham is dangerous for children."
Danny's mouth pulls back, and blood spills against his tongue. "Please." He rasps, and grabs onto the shadow's cape with both hands. "Please. He's going to kill me. Please--"
"Daniel? Is that you?"
His lips part, dragging in air to plead with the darkness again. He doesn't need to, the whites of his eyes narrow, and the cape whirls around him before Danny can blink. Soon swaddled in shadows, the Night lifts him up, and steals him away.
#I AM LOUDLY PUSHING THE BATDAD AGENDA#anyways— add ons are encouraged i wanna talk more dpxdc with folks i just cant find any aus i really like enough to engage with#which is nobody's fault and its why im making my own content in order to reach more people#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpdc#dc x dp#dpxdc prompts#i took a ‘which batfam member are you (except its personal)’ quiz a few days ago#and got bruce wayne. and then was promptly read to filth why im most like him and it rudely but accurately explained why im the most like#him. it also consequently explained to me why i like him so much. whenever i see him in his kindest form i see a mirror looking back#anyways lots of ‘danny rejecting bruce as a parent’ aus. may i present: bruce and danny finding family in each other aus. batdad aus pls.#dpxdc prompt#dcxdp#this prompt can take place at any point of Batkid accumulation but personally i was imagining this as before Bruce has any of his kids yet#eldest brother danny supremacy and also just that one on one bonding#danny being someone who was never afraid of the dark as a kid and even less so as he got older. taking solace in it as a ghost because you#cant hide in the dark when you glow. his enemies can't jump out at him. but he can jump out at them. how can he be afraid of the dark when#the dark is where the stars like to live? there's a comfort in the shadows. there might be something hiding in it. but he's hiding in it to#blood blossoms eat ghosts headcanon#wasn't sure where i was gonna go with this at the beginning and then i caught steam.#batman casually kidnaps an orphan upon kid's request. also the kid was Actively Dying Of Poison. What was he gonna do?? NOT help him?#mister 'keeps candy in his utility belt specifically for scared children'??? no way.
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badolmen · 8 months ago
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Five Dollar Fridays!
Can you spare $5 this week? If not, please reblog this post so it reaches someone who can!
Otherwise, please donate $5 to one of the following verified fundraisers for families in Palestine and then reblog this post:
(verification) Musab's Family (£136/£10.000) [1.06%] *new goal and campaign, see here.
(verification) Moamen's Family ($396/$30.000) [1.32%] *new campaign and goal, see here.
(verification) Nabila's Family ($855/$30.000) [2.85%] *new campaign, see here.
(verification) Mohammed's Family (£1.760/£50.000) [3.52%] *new campaign and reduced goal, see here.
(verification) Sohaip's Family (£1.131/£10.000) [11.3%]
(verification) Basel's Family (CHF 9.485/CHF 60.000) [15.8%]
(verification) Muhammad's Family (€24.731/€82.000) [30.2%]
(verification) Malak's Family (€7.961/€25.000) [31.9%]
(verification) Samer’s Family (kr 151.788/kr 450.000) [33.7%] *alternate campaign, see here.
(verification) Nadaa's Family (£10.067/£25.000) [40.3%]
(verification) Laila's Family (€33.775/€55.000) [61.4%]
(verification) Mohammad's Family (€31.775/€50.000) [63.6%]
(verification) Abdelrahman's Family (€20.385/€30.000) [67.9%]
(verification) Youssef's Family (€17.659/€23.000) [76.8%] *new reduced goal
(verification) Asmaa's Family (€37.850/€45.000) [84.1%]
(verification) Amira's Family (€33.072/€39.000) [84.8%]
(verification) Fadi's Family ($44.435/$50.000) [88.9%] *new goal, see here.
(verification) Yousef's Family (€49.207/€50.000) [98.4%] *new goal and campaign, see here.
Time stamp: Feb. 28, 2025
More information and campaigns under the read more.
(Conversions: $5 = kr52.36, €4.66, £3.89, CHF4.30)
If a GFM was closed or deleted before reaching its goal, the funds are not distributed. Request a refund for deleted or terminated GFM campaigns here. Select ‘The funds were never delivered to the intended recipient’ as your reason for requesting a refund. Submit an equivalent donation to the new or remade campaign if available.
Daily Campaigns @writing-prompts-for-palestine
Match Me Monday
Ten Dollar Tuesdays
Do Something Saturdays
Completed Campaigns:
(verification) Nada’s Family (€16.040/€16.000) [100%]
(verification) Wafaa's Family ($99.375/$85.000) [100%] *new goal and campaign, see here.
*** the follow campaigns have been terminated by GFM/are no longer accepting donations. I am looking for an update from the vetters or organizers.
(verification) Tala’s Family (€13.967/€40.000) [34.9%]
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meamiki · 9 months ago
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silly comic based on a time i struggled to read live on stream :thumbsup:
context clip compilation below ASDASDFASA
(cw for brief mention of hospitals/strokes)
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aibafiles · 4 months ago
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metaphor prologue
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yesloulou · 11 months ago
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Drive to Survive Season 2, Episode 5
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hyunpic · 7 months ago
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[very sad, miserable even]
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chayatorns · 2 months ago
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THE HEART KILLERS (2024-2025) เขาจ้างให้ผมจีบนักฆ่า dir. Jojo Tichakorn Phukhaotong
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#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#joong archen#dunk natachai#tuserhidden#tusersilence#tobelle#userrlana#userlinnea#vishingwell#zeystuff#gif: thk#you know what I wanted to upload this despite maybe there is already the same set out there... which I rarely upload anymore if I know#but I have things to say about this scene... I feel like this is the first genuine conversation they had in all the episodes so far#as the cautious guy Fadel is he must've searched style beforehand (which we don't see but he must've) so which also means he knew about#his mother not being alive and yes obviously also him working at the garage but this is the first time fadel asked style things out of#curiosity... (even if he knew in my opinion) and style being so comfortable with fadel that he forgot that he's talking to a hitman#it's the guy he's interested in. he forgot for a split second whom he talking to and trusted him enough to tell all about these#things about him which is kinda personal at least for some yet here we are with one who's trusting the other enough to tell things#and fadel is surprised!! no one can convince me otherwise I might be delulu but like i said i believe he already knows all of this#yet he asked and didn't expect that style would be so open about all this to tell him this the 6th and 8th gif tells a lot#fadel is still trying to figure style out but I feel like the conversation here and at the garage where fadel saw himself#style in working mode and how he helps out a lot at the garage and the conversation how his dad became his most important person#added a lot to his trust barometer when it comes to style. he sees him in a different perspective. light whatever you wanna call it#but it definitely trust his view on style a bit. I already talked a lot under my own set so I'll stop
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saturnscherie · 1 month ago
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༄ Why did gege draw Yuji being this extra in front of Megumi?!?! Like PLS zip up your sweater, not even Megumi was doing all of that. He really thought, hmm I gotta show Megumi how strong I am, but wait let me show him how ripped I am while I’m at it too!!!
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༄ Him doing this reminds me of when he crashed through the *4th floor* window at his old high school, surprising the crap out of Megumi.
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༄ And wait look at this, my all time favorite scene of Yuji being extra, in front of Megumi. When he decided to pull up, *out of nowhere* to fight Hanami, while landing dramatically af into the water, like a superhero. And let’s not forget he came along with his besto friendo, Todo.
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francesderwent · 27 days ago
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thinking about snarky cultural/theological commentary and. the thing about snark is this: it’s easy, and it’s instant gratification. it’s easy because you’re playing to a likeminded audience. you get the way they think, you know the sort of things they find ridiculous, and so you know what’s going to play well with them. it’s not that hard to come up with a zinger that’s going to earn you applause from your own side. it’s also pretty easy to make another human being who’s not on your side look stupid, because we’re stupid creatures and we all have plenty of exploitable weak spots. it’s preaching to the choir, and it’s preaching meanly to the choir. and then, your snark bears all its fruit right away. you get the glowing feeling of having scored points against the enemy while being patted on the back by your friends for being so brave. if you succeeded in being snarky, you get the rewards of snark that very instant.
on the other hand, seeking to share the truth you possess in a mode in which it could actually be received—that is, says St Thomas, according to the mode of the recipient—that’s hard, and it’s so far from being instantly gratifying that you may never see the fruits of it in this life. not only are you not thinking about your likeminded audience, you’re not even going to trot out the truth simply in the way you understand it and call it your best effort. rather, you have to try to get inside your interlocutor’s frame of mind and understand how the truth you know is going to fulfill their own priorities and longings. you have to understand them so well that you see the truth of their position, even if that truth is buried very very deep, and then see how that truth connects them to the truth you see. you have to be insightful, and compassionate, and so, so patient. you don’t get to score any points, with anybody. your interlocutor might still get annoyed with you and turn around and make you look stupid. but you can’t just say “I’m going to speak the truth and I don’t care who hears and how they take it”—you have to care how they take it, because the truth is relational, it’s given and received, not just spouted into a void. and frankly you have to care how they take it because you have to care about their salvation.
don’t get me wrong, there are times in every person’s life when they will be called to stand up and be counted, to put fumbling words to what they hold most dear even if they can’t make everyone understand. but I don’t know that it’s a virtue to be always focused on being seen saying the truth, with no consideration given to who hears you and what they’ll hear in it—and it’s certainly not a virtue to be always focused on being seen saying the truth in a mean and funny way. “instruct the ignorant” is a spiritual work of mercy. but instruct the ignorant does not mean “instruct the ignorant while making the knowledgeable laugh and/or high five.”
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.
i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.
in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.
i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.
i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.
plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.
the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.
we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.
i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.
a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.
today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.
loved beyond thinking.
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gottagobuycheese · 1 year ago
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HEY! YOU!
You've probably heard by now, but from March 4th to 10th 2024, Help Gaza Children will be sending all their donations to families in northern Gaza, where food prices have skyrocketed even more than in the south. Their goal is $25K by the end of the week; at the time of writing this post, it's about halfway a quarter way there! (OG post about it) [EDIT: my mistake, I misinterpreted the numbers in the original post; evidently I cannot do arithmetic anymore]
This is their notion site, which has their donation link as well as additional info, their FAQ, important updates, and proof of purchases from donations they’ve gotten in the past. You can also donate directly to their paypal here.
As such, I'll be open for sketch commissions up from now (March 7th, 2024 ~02:20 PST) through March 10th in exchange for proof of donation to Help Gaza Children!
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BASIC OVERVIEW:
Tier 1 - Basic head/bust sketch for $1-5 USD, +50% for basic color. Up to 3 characters.
Tier 2 - Basic screencap resketch for $5-15 USD, +50% for basic color.
Tier 3 - Posed sketch for $15-25 USD, 1-2 characters ONLY.
Tier 4 - Colored clean sketch: $25+ USD, 1-2 characters ONLY.
RULES:
Please provide a visual reference or detailed description of the character(s) you want drawn (and depending on the tier, a screencap or pose/expression you want to go with it)
DO'S: OCs, humans and human-like creatures, other creatures that don't have a lot of mechanical or anatomical detail (as in, I can TRY to do mecha stuff, but I think you and I will both be better of if I don't lol; can ask for further details)
DON'T'S: any NSFW stuff, real people currently alive (as in, historical figures in the setting of historical fiction may be okay, but other things may not be; can ask for further details)
If you've made your donation in a currency that is not USD, I'll give you something of equivalent value according to the tier based on whatever the conversion is at the time that I look it up. If one or both of our economies crashes spectacularly in between the time you send it and the time I look it up, I'm very sorry in advance
DISCLAIMER 1: I reserve the right to decline a commission for any reason; however, if this ends up being the case, I may reach out to you to see if we can come up with a middle ground that suits us both.
DISCLAIMER 2: I don't anticipate being able to do a lot of these, as I've got a full-time job that's in the ballpark ~80+ hours a week with really weird hours. That being said, depending on how far this goes, turnaround time will probably be ~2-3 months, give or take...something. I'll update you monthly until it's done.
FOR PERSONAL, NON-COMMERCIAL USE ONLY!
If you're interested in nabbing a sketch from me in exchange for your donation, email a screenshot (devoid of any personal info please) of your donation receipt and details of your sketch request (e.g. reference, tier, etc.) to [email protected]. For your donation to count for a sketch, it must be made after I wrote this post! (March 7, 2024 ~02:20 A.M. PST)
If you are NOT interested in nabbing a sketch from me, feel free to donate anyway!!
(And if you've got any questions about anything feel free to email, DM, or send an ask!)
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blooodymoon · 3 months ago
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A "RETURN of the Number of PERSONS FLOGGED in the BRITISH NAVY, in each of the Years 1845 and 1846; specifying the Name of the Ship, the Offence, the Sentence and the Number of Lashes Infficted." Parlamentary Paper, Number 661 of Session 1847
So after reading the Post about Jopsons Flogging by @handfuloftime I went down a research rabbit hole because I wanted to see if their exist sufficient & specific enough Data to accuratly compare his punishment and put it in the historical context.
I found this Website, which features the two tables from the Parlamentary Papers and their Source.
(Note: The tables on the website are incomplete and inaccurate in certain places. I compared it from top to bottom to the original source and corrected/added the informations in my table.)
I used that as a basis for my own table, where I also added Averages and Sliders so people can search the Informations!
(Apparently Sliders don't work on Mobil, and I don't know enough about Google Sheets how to fix it :/
If anyone knows or if you find a some kind mistake please let me know.)
This week I visited the University Libary, which has access to the Parlamentary Papers Online, to see if such tables also exist for earlier years but sadly 1845 was the first year where they went into such Specifics.
(I hope to add some of the Years after 1846 to the table, when I can.)
Earlier years only had these Informations per Year:
Total Number of Punishments
Total Number of Lashes
Highest Number of Lashes Inflicted at One Time
Lowest Number of Lashes Inflicted at One Time
This Information for 1839 - 1846 under the Cut.
Also under the Read More are some Graphs, Medians & Averages about Flogging for Drunkenness Alone, seperated by Seamen, Marines, Boys and Everyone!
Hope that someone find this useful/interesting !
Corporal Punishment for Drunkenness Alone
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Everyone:
Lashes Sentenced Median: 32,75 (1845: 36 | 1846: 31,4)
Lashes Sentenced Average: 31,07 (1845: 31,13 | 1846: 31,02)
Lashes Inflicted Average: 30,8 (1845: 31,02 | 1846: 30,58)
Seamen:
Lashes Sentenced Median: 36 (1845: 36 | 1846: 36)
Lashes Sentenced Average: 34,37 (1845: 34,62 | 1846: 33,86)
Lashes Inflicted Average: 34,33 (1845: 34,41 | 1846: 33,86)
Marines:
Lashes Sentenced Median: 31,4 (1845: 32 | 1846: 31,4)
Lashes Sentenced Average: 30,8 (1845: 31,09 | 1846: 31,09)
Lashes Inflicted Average: 30,8 (1845: 31,09 | 1846: 30,69)
Boys:
Lashes Sentenced Median: 24 (1845: 24 | 1846: 33)
Lashes Sentenced Average: 26,22 (1845: 24,4 | 1846: 28,5)
Lashes Inflicted Average: 25,33 (1845: 24,4 | 1846: 26,5)
Years
1839:
Number of Punishments: 2,007
Number of Lashes: 59,341
Highest: 60 | Lowest: 3
1840:
Number of Punishments: 2,026
Number of Lashes: 60,302
Highest: 48 | Lowest: 1
1841:
Number of Punishments: 2,066
Number of Lashes: 61,669
Highest: 50 | Lowest: 2
1842:
Number of Punishments: 2,472
Number of Lashes: 71,024
Highest: 100* | Lowest: 1
1843:
Number of Punishments: 2,170
Number of Lashes: 63,985
Highest: 60 | Lowest: 3
1844:
Number of Punishments: 1,411
Number of Lashes: 42,352
Highest: 72+ | Lowest: 6
1845:
Number of Punishments: 1,070
Number of Lashes: 33,511
Highest: 48 | Lowest: 3
1846:
Number of Punishments: 1,077
Number of Lashes: 32,360
Highest: 50* | Lowest: 3
*By sentence of a Court Martial.
+By order of the Commander-in-Chief for theft, in a shop at Chusan, and violence to the natives.
Sources: A "RETURN of the CORPORAL PUNISHMENTS inflicted in the ROYAL NAVY, in each of the Years 1839 to 1843, both inclusive, stating the highest and lowest Number of Lashes at each Time, and the aggregate Number of Lashes in each Year [ ]" Parlamentary Paper, Number 308, of Session 1845 + ABSTRACT of Total Numbers of CORPORAL PUNISHMENTS inflicted in the NAVY, and the Total Number of LASHES Inflicted, in each Year up to the 31st December 1846 [ ]. Parlamentary Paper, Number 661, of Session 1847
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chalkeater · 1 year ago
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i have NOT drawn enough talk sprite redraws. Heres some warm ups!! RAAHH 🦖
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leathfaic · 1 year ago
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My favourite hot take is that Simon adapts way better to being a civilian than Johnny does.
Johnny went and left for the army the second he could do so, relentlessly pushed his career and is, most likely, rarely not on base unless he's been told to fuck off or move his arse home (by either his superiors or family).
Simon on the other hand finished school and then took up an apprenticeship before joining the army. Even then he came home, took prolonged leave to help his family out. He spent way more time just living that reality. And even post Roba he was at home for a while before everything went to hell. He might not take a lot of leave since, because he has nothing to come home to, but he still knows to adjust to it.
If they take leave together Ghost settles remarkably well, still keeping an eye open but he's an adult who had time outside the forces to properly adjust to life.
Soap struggles. He gets by with his charm and bright blue eyes, and that's a good thing because he's too explosive, too intense for most normal social interactions.
He's caught somewhere between the 18 year old boy and the hardened SAS soldier and never spent enough time away to really grow into just John MacTavish. Not Sergeant, not Soap, not the FNG. Just him as a person outside of the military.
He navigates this part of his life like its a minefield. Making it through but boy oh boy, it's not looking graceful.
Ghost helps him mellow out in that regard, pointing out the messy weird mechanics of normal civilan life to him. Teaches him to enjoy that and not let his job ruin him. Simon who knows how quickly it can all fall apart can't help to see the beauty in the peace most people get to experience. He'll be damned if he can't share that beauty Johnny. Even if it's always just for a little while.
And because it's Ghost, who never steered him wrong Soap let's himself be led. Allows himself experiences outside of work and his family. And while he might not be eager to admit it, it makes him a better person.
And years down the line when they both made it out, last mission just one too many that was too close for comfort, all of that helps John MacTavish to adjust. Sure he mourns his life in the military, someone like him is bound to, but he's not too worried. He knows how to get by now. And even the days where he feels very out of his depth, he can approach with ease. Because he still has Simon at his side to show him the way forward.
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shalom-iamcominghome · 6 months ago
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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